Short Funny QuotesFor Facebook FriendsShort funny quotes or funny one-liners will make you smile, but at the same time they unveil deep truths in a humorous way. You can share this collection of short funny quotes with your Facebook friends or your Twitter followers
Short Funny Quotes For FacebookBoss (angrily): Have you ever seen a fool? Employee (looking down): No Sir. Boss: Why are you looking down? Look at me. (From unknown authors) "Somebody's boring me ... I think it's me." "Pocket Full of Cash. Bucket Full of Dreams." "Luck = When Preparation Meets Opportunity." "My Life is based on a True Story." "I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is improving." "Wife and dog missing; reward for dog." "My wife gives me sound advice; 99% sound, 1% advice." "I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore I am perfect." "Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway." “Don't worry about life, you're not going to survive it anyway.” "Keep honking... I'm reloading." "Your child maybe an honour student, but you drive like an Idiot!" "We need to talk, so don't interrupt!" "I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out..." "Warning: I have gas, and I know how to use it!" "I have multiple personalities and none of them like you." "I tried being good, but I got bored." "I used to care, but I take a pill for that now." "I didn't say it was Your fault. I said I was going to Blame you." "Danger: mouth operates faster than brain." "Sarcasm: just one more service I provide." "You don't have to be crazy to work here: we'll train you." "333: I'm only half evil." "Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional." "Im not stubborn; my way is just better." "I'm confused...wait...maybe I'm not." "My sister has the best sister in the world" "War does not determine who is right - only who is left." "If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong." "Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?" "Cheer up, the worst is yet to come." "If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side." "Judge me all you want, but keep the verdict to yourself." Scroll down for more short funny quotes. Share a Funny Quote or Short JokeDo you have a funny quote, or a funny cartoon drawn by yourself? We - that's me and all visitors of this website - love to hear about it. On this page you can share your humor with us. We love funny quotes or clean jokes. Feel free to share! What Other Visitors Have SaidClick below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...
Life is a joke
if life is a joke. sorry, i don't get it To all the girls! A good girl is a bad girl that just never gets caught
Anything
Girl: Hey How Old Are You For Sale: For Sale: Parachute only used once, small stain. Falling is easy "Falling is easy you just jump off the ground and miss. Educated Idiots You may have highest IQ, but if you don't know how to use your common sense then you are just an educated idiot. If Your Life is a Book If life was a book, yours would be fictional. Something Good in Everyday Everyday may not be good but there is something good in everyday Play On Words... If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws! Leftovers haha Oh you're dating my ex? That's cool. I'm eating a pizza. You want those leftovers too? :) direction When nothing goes right, go left.
Lemonade, beer and salt
When life hands you lemonade
Don't lose your PEN !!
U lost ur pen = no pen,
About rikshaw and cars
No Matter What Boys Are Driving don't drink "Don't drink and drive; you might spill the drink!" HEHE: 333 333 don't worry i am only half evil hotstuff one day you're hot stuff, but the next day you're dirt sandwich!
CD/DVD player
bro remember two things in life- u can play a cd in a dvd player, but cannot play a dvd in a cd player..got it?
Really?
Bill: I have an idea! The road to success The road to success is always under construction. Grease on my hair Ever since I put grease on my hair, everything slips my mind. :) "Let's Pretend i care........ and leave it at that" "So, let's just pretend i give a sh*t, and leave it at that" Skittles and rainbow When Life gives you skittles, You............chuck them in peoples faces and yell, "TASTE THE FREAKING RAINBOW!!!" White House "The White House is the finest prison in the world," said President Harry S Truman Stay Drunk Quote Avoid hangovers:stay drunk. Favorite Short Funny Quotes(I would sure like to know who the funny authors are.)"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door." "I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness." "Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience." "There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side." "When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets." "A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory." "I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car." "Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak." "A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip." "An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing." "Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them." "A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.." "A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it." "Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back." "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance." "Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right." "How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on." "If at first you don't succeed, redefine success." For more If at first you don't succeed quotes Mean Short Funny Quotes"The secret of success is knowing who to blame for your failures.""Some people dream of success, while other people live to crush those dreams." "Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people." "Just because you're necessary doesn't mean you're important." "It's lonely at the top, but it's comforting to look down upon everyone at the bottom." "There are No Stupid Questions. But there a LOT of Inquisitive Idiots." "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." "The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower." "The best leaders inspire by example. When that's not an option, brute intimidation works pretty well, too." Find more short funny quotes on the next pages.
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